Independent Schools Portal
  • Home
  • About
  • Professional Development in 2021
  • innovatED Magazine
    • innovatED Issue 1
    • innovatED Issue 2
    • innovatED Issue 3
    • innovatED Issue 4
Picture

Blog Page

The pursuit of perfection – don’t do it!

2/7/2017

1 Comment

 
Picture

by Andy Falconer

Headmaster, St. Olaves Preparatory School, York
Picture
Have you ever read one of the Little Miss or Mr Men books? If so, you will recognise Little Miss Perfect and Mr Perfect. I have another question for you - would you rather be perfect, or accepted for who you are? If you chose perfection over acceptance, what would ‘perfect’ look like for you? I’m sure we all have our own definition of perfection.

Whilst many people describe themselves as perfectionists, perfectionism isn’t actually a positive trait. Perfectionism is striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations, and worrying too much about what other people think of you.

Perfectionism drives people to attempt to achieve an unattainable ideal, and when perfectionists don’t reach their goals, the consequences are negative. Ironically, the pursuit of success actually keeps the perfectionist focused on failure, completely undermining what we understand as success.

If the Learning Habits we have at St Olave's School of Collaboration, Curiosity, Empathy and Flexibility of mind, Initiative, Originality, Persistence and Risk Taking, are characteristic of what enables us to thrive, then perfectionism does exactly the opposite, it rigidifies our habits and our behaviour.

Let me be clear, I am not referring to high achievers. High achievers excel at some things, but they don’t believe that they need to be the best at everything. High achiever, value constructive criticism because this offers them the opportunity for growth and self-improvement. They work hard with commitment and resilience, reflecting on their disappointments with honesty. Failures are merely temporary setbacks which they might overcome with greater effort. We know that the most successful of lives have had their share of setbacks, disappointments and failures.

Michael J Fox, the actor, said “I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for; perfection is God’s business”.

In contrast, perfectionists consider themselves unacceptable unless they reach impossibly high self-imposed standards. They are not resilient because even mild setbacks are seen as catastrophes. Chris Coleman, the Welsh football manager, said after last week’s Euro quarter final: “Don’t be afraid to fail. I’ve failed more times than I can count, but it’s the failures that lead to success”

The push for perfection is undermining exactly what our young people need to succeed and be happy. We want to launch our pupils into young adulthood, poised to be successful, not perfect. They need Friendship, Trust, Wisdom, Compassion, Endurance, Humility and Hope. They need to be curious about a world we don’t even know about yet, equipped with the creativity and innovation for solutions and strategies for that not yet imagined.

We know from the work of Carol Dweck that our children can’t stay perfect; life changes and rewards taking risks, setting challenges, seizing opportunities and sticking with them, and Mindsets are at the heart of this. Some mindsets make us afraid to try and end up keeping us trapped in perfectionism. For someone with a fixed mindset, effort may sound like ‘imperfection’ or ‘inadequacy’, because perfection requires them to look and feel accomplished all the time, at all costs. However, with a growth mindset, effort is what activates ability, and setbacks are a natural part of learning because they have the courage to take on challenge.

In our culture we move relentlessly toward greater emphasis on achievement, but as educators we resist this and ask our children what they have learned and not what their grade is; we do this because otherwise we measure their lives only in terms of achievement and lose perspective on what it may mean to live well. This tendency for achievement ruptures any sense of meaning or balance in our lives and we lose the capacity for wonder and awe.

Imagine looking at a rainbow and complaining that the width of one colour was narrower than another?  Ridiculous, and yet that is exactly what we do when we judge ourselves for our imperfections.

Effortless superiority and perfection is prevalent, but the people I most admire are usually those who have worked harder than everyone else, for something they value, rather than those who have been effortlessly propelled somewhere.

The potentially devastating consequences of perfectionism on mental health certainly need to be recognised. We must work to prevent perfectionism developing during childhood. Even mild cases of perfectionism can interfere with a child’s quality of life, affecting personal relationships, education and of course health.

Magazines and advertising have long been criticized for upholding dangerously unrealistic standards of success and beauty, but at least it’s acknowledged that they are idealized. The models are just that: models; made-up, retouched, and photo-shopped.

Today, however, the impossible standards are set much closer to home, not by celebrities and models but by classmates and friends. With social media, our children can curate their lives; resulting feeds reading like highlights, showing only the best and most enviable moments, while concealing efforts, struggles, and the merely ordinary aspects of day-to-day life. We compare other people’s polished, edited final-cut movies to our own behind the scenes, unedited, fly-on-the-wall documentaries. And there’s evidence that those images are causing distress for many of our children.

On Instagram or Facebook everyone looks like they’re having the best day ever, all the time. You upload your photograph, add a filter, and you can remove all your imperfections. These picture-perfect images can be especially difficult for our young people to grapple with because they’re often very conscious of measuring up to their peers. It’s a tender and critical stage in life — a time for forming an understanding of who they are.

Part of the way we develop a strong sense of self and identity is by being appreciated, accepted and authentic. This way we are seen for who we are, and valued for who we are, including our flaws. Curating photographs is making our children dissatisfied with their bodies, as well as pushing a message that they are modifiable.

We must help our children to be comfortable with imperfection because we are not going to protect them from failure; we are not going to make everything easy; we are not going to praise them for coming top or being the best. We want them to feel accepted for being imperfect; for trying their best; for risk taking; for persisting when it would be easier to give up; for being independently minded and vulnerable.

We must show our children that they will be accepted not for being perfect but for being imperfect. Authenticity and courage are what we strive for. Effort and difficulty are how we learn. Working hard for something we value is how we commit to the learning zone. We are not perfect because we are a work in progress; striving, failing and bouncing back, applying our effort into the journey of becoming ourselves. Perfection is unachievable, unimaginable and undesirable.

I’m only human - what about you? Would you rather be perfect or accepted for who you are?
1 Comment
Nicky Clifford
3/10/2017 10:43:45 am

There is so much I love about this article, a great job Andy.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016

    Categories

    All
    2005 Conservative Manifesto
    30 Hours
    3D Classsroom
    3D Printer
    3D Software
    3 For Free
    Adele Bannister
    Adobe Spark
    AEGIS
    Alan Thompson
    Andrew Goff
    Andrew Hammond
    Andy Falconer
    Andy Goff
    Animation
    Ann Marie Christian
    Anti-Bullying
    Anti-bullying Guide
    Antonia Clarke
    Apple
    App Of The Week
    Appraisal
    Assessment
    Assessment Systems
    Autism
    Back To School
    Barry Richardson
    Baseline Assessment
    Beatwave
    Bee Aware Initiative
    Bishops Univerity
    Bishops University
    Blue Apple Education
    Briefing Note
    Buncee
    Bursars
    Buying
    Buying Support Agency
    Cardiio
    Careers
    CAS
    Catherine Lees
    Charity
    Chatterpix
    Child Protection
    Child Support
    Choices
    Chris Forrest
    Christina Gabbitas
    Claas
    Claire Fuller
    Claire Stead
    Classroom Technology
    Clifton School And Nursery
    Clubs
    Code Combat
    Code Studio
    Collaboration
    Collaborative Learning
    Collaborative Purchasing
    Competition
    Competitions
    Compliance
    Computing
    Conference
    Conferences
    Conservatives
    Coopetition
    CoSpaces
    CPOMS
    Creative Writing
    Cundall Manor
    Cyber Cafe
    Cyber-security
    Dan Arnold
    Dan Seneker
    David Goulbourn
    David Horton
    David Paton
    David Winfield
    Department For Education
    Deputy Heads
    Devolve Me
    Dfe
    Difficult Conversations
    Difficult Parents
    Diversity
    Dotty
    Early Years
    Economics
    Ecoschools
    EdShow
    Edtech
    Education
    Educational Fads
    Education Policy
    Education Show
    Election 2017
    Eliziam
    Email
    Emil Willis
    Emma Warner-Reed
    Engagement
    E Safety
    E-safety
    ExamPAL
    Feel Real
    Festival Of Learning
    Finance
    Find Of The Fortnight
    Finnish Education
    Firefly
    Flash Fiction
    Flipped Learning
    Flowing Tales
    Formative Assessment
    Funding
    GBM Digital
    Gender
    Gender Stereotypes
    Globalisation
    Gooseberry Planet
    Governors
    Grammar School At Leeds
    Grammar Schools
    Grants
    Green Paper
    Grief Recovery
    Grieving
    Growth Mindset
    GSaL
    Hannah Wilson
    Heads4Heads
    Headship
    Health And Safety
    Helene Ruda
    Henry Smith
    Higher Education
    Hi Impact
    Hi-impact
    Holmewood House
    Homework
    Hyde Park School
    IAPS
    Icomm
    ICT For Leaders
    Incerts
    Incredibox
    Independent Schools
    Independent Thinking
    Innova
    Innovation
    Inspection
    Inspiring Teaching
    Inspiring The Inspirers
    International Higher Education
    International Study
    Internet
    Internet Safety
    Intrinsic Motivation
    Ishita Mandraka
    ISI
    IT
    Jack Adamson
    Jack Jackman
    James Tooley
    Jo Marsden
    Justine Greening
    Kahoot
    Karen Burns
    KCSIE
    Klick Technology
    Koma Koma
    Kylie Reid
    Lab Furniture
    Leaders
    Leadership
    Learning Environments
    Learning Ladders
    Learning Platforms
    Lego Life
    Leigh McGarvie
    Lily Foundation
    Lisa Ashes
    Literacy
    Little Food Company
    Loss
    Lucidpress
    Maria Brosnan
    Mark Davies
    Mark Doherty
    Mark Lomas
    Maths
    Maths Setting
    Matt Haynes
    Matt Koster-Marcon
    Matt Roper
    Meetings
    Mental Health
    Mike Abraham
    Mike Hargreaves
    Miles Berry
    NAHT
    Networks
    Nicola Clifford
    Nursery
    Nursery Education
    Outdoor Learning
    Outward Bound Trust
    Oxford Home Schooling
    P4C
    Parental Engagement
    Parent Apps
    Parenting
    Parents Tour
    Parent Teacher Relationships
    Partners
    Paul Brewer
    Pedagogy
    Peter Carpenter
    Phil Garner
    Philosophy
    Philosophy-for-children
    Pirjo Suhonen
    Playdemic
    Pobble
    Pokemon Go
    Pownall Hall School
    Premier Education
    Principal Resourcing
    Professional Development
    Programming
    Pupil Progress
    Purchasing
    Radnor House School
    Ransomware
    Recruitment
    Red House School
    Renewable Energy
    Resiliance
    Ross Morrison McGill
    Safeguarding
    Samantha Fisher
    Sam Antrobus
    Sarah Barthorpe
    Saving Money
    Savings
    School Communication
    School Outdoor Learning
    Schools
    Secret Parent
    Self Broadcasting
    Sensavis
    Shadow Puppet
    Sheilds
    Shropshire 3D Print
    Smart
    Smart Technologies
    Smoothwall
    Smootwall
    Snapseed
    Social Media
    Software
    Solar For Schools
    Sonia Gill
    Sonita Alleyne
    SOuL
    Splice
    St Bees
    Stella
    Stella James
    Stephanie Walker
    St Olaves
    Stress
    Stronger Together
    Stuart Bayne
    Student Debt
    Students
    Study In Canada
    Studying In The USA
    Study US
    Supply Teaching
    Sustainability
    TeacherIn
    Teacher Shortages
    Teaching
    Teaching And Learning
    Teaching Ideas
    Tech
    Technology
    Teresa May
    Termly Update
    Thomas Packer
    Three For Free
    Tigtagjunior
    Tigtagworld
    Tiny Tap
    Top Trumps It
    Tracy Gladman
    Twig
    Twig World
    University Funding
    USA University Study
    VEO
    Video
    Video Editor
    Video Enhanced Observation
    Videos
    Virtual Reality
    Viviana Doctorovich
    Wellbeing
    WomenEd
    Wonder Why Society
    Work - Life Balance
    Worrinots
    Yasemin Wigglesworth
    Yes Programme

    RSS Feed

Stay social

Picture
(c) Blue Cow Education Limited 2015-20.  All rights reserved.
  • Home
  • About
  • Professional Development in 2021
  • innovatED Magazine
    • innovatED Issue 1
    • innovatED Issue 2
    • innovatED Issue 3
    • innovatED Issue 4